


And I Love Him

by Pandastuff101



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandastuff101/pseuds/Pandastuff101
Summary: This is a Destiel high school alternate-universe. Castiel suffers from depression, and Dean helps him through it with a few *accidents* happening along the way.





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> There are cutting and depression triggers.

Castiel stirred the melting pot of orange leaves with a swift kick of his foot. It was early autumn, something New Hampshire was famous for. Hundreds of people flock to the Granite State every year to look at the foliage that adorned the trees. Cas took another halting step, brushing up more dead leaves from the sidewalk. He was stalling, and he knew it. But he did not want to go home today. Sadly, the bus had dropped him off at his driveway so he didn't have much of a choice.

A window in the house opened, and Cas heard; "Castiel! What are you doing in the cold? Get in here!"

It was his mother. Cas could see her frazzled brown hair and tight features looking at him from the window. His mother slammed the window shut, and the house rattled.

If the house were an object (besides a house, of course.) it would be and old root beer bottle. One you would find walking in a drained lake, or on the side of the road when your class was picking up trash. Dusty, with gunk inside. But surprisingly sturdy and unbreakable.

Cas picked up his pace and walked through the houses wooden door, better suited to protect a bedroom and not a house. The door opened stickily, bits of plaster raining down from the top of it. Castiel shut it, yanking it tight so it would shut fully.

The inside of the house was better, but it was very dark. Oak panels,thick and covered with dark spots, ran up and down the walls. There were four rooms throughout the house: Cas's bedroom, his parents room, the kitchen/living room, and a small broom closet.

Cas hung his beat-up book bag on the coat hanger. Besides a random wooden plank,the hanger was the only thing in the room.

"Hello, mother." Cas said, gliding over to his mother on the other side of the kitchen.

He gave her a peck on the cheek, and began to walk to his room. His mother stopped him. "Where are you going hon?" she asked, stopping him.

"Just to do my homework." he said casually.

His mother went into the other room for a few seconds, and then came out holding his bookbag. 

"You forgot this," she said.

Cas thanked her, and went to his bedroom, feeling guilty. He hated lying to his parents, who had raised him right. His father was an active priest, and his mother a retired one. He had been raised to follow the Lord's Ten Commandments. Lying was totally against his policy. Until a year ago, when he was sixteen. Then something changed in him.

He closed his door softly, a smile on his face. The smile dropped when he let his bag dropped to the floor, for it was fake. But what wasn't. He kneeled down by his bed, and reached his hand underneath it. He reached deeper and deeper, until he himself was almost under it. Eventually, he felt a sharp piece of metal. He grabbed it, and pulled it out.

4 Hours Later:

Cas struggled to put on his tight blue sweater. His arms were totally numb, but he knew it was his own fault. Once the sweater was on,he opened his bedroom door with a smile chipped onto his face.

"When did you get home?" he said, giving his father a hug.

"About two minutes ago, I had to sign way too much paperwork today for church renovations."

His father was a slim man, with graying hair and a tenor voice. Cas had inherited his need for glasses from him, and his startling blue eyes.

Cas sat down at the four person table, which had a chair for his parents, himself, and for the holy spirit, should he ever visit.

"These noodles are good, mom." Cas said, taking a bite of his chop suey.

His mother smiled at him, and took a bite.

They talked about meandering things for awhile, until Castiel's father asked him a question.

"Cas, if you are going to church this Sunday, would you like to do the opening prayer?" he asked, looking at his son over his fork.

Cas was not surprised by the 'if' in his father's sentence. His dad believed Cas should find and worship God in his own way. He never forced him to go to church, and, for almost a month, Cas hadn't.

Cas shook his head as an answer. "I wasn't planning on it dad." his voice getting quiet, he added, "Sorry."

He pushed his way out from the table and off of his chair. He Put his dish in the sink, and went back to his room.

The rest of the week was a groggy blur. Cas tried to focus, but there was nothing to focus on. He tried his best. He tried to care about his grades, but since the start of the year everything in his life seemed unimportant. The only thing he could think about was how much he disappointed his father.

But he wasn't a tool, something you can put away in a box until it has a purpose. He was a person, not a nail, or a saw, or

"A hammer." Cas said aloud. He looked around, embarrassed. Luckily, on Fridays the bus was always crowded so no one heard him.

This did not make him feel better.

When he got home, his father and mother were already there. They ssat at the small table, side by side, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper.

His father looked up at him as he walked in. "Cas, I was wondering if you had changed your mind about Sunday. It would be very helpful. I even wrote something up for you..."

Castiel sighed. "No. No, dad." he walked to his room, feeling worse than ever before.

It was Sunday, and when Cas woke up at nine his parents had just left for church.

He busied himself, eating some eggs his mother kindly left for him, taking a shower, and attempting his homework. He couldn't focus, though, so he decided to walk to the park.

Right away, he realized his mistake. It was freezing, and Castiel had no jacket. Stupidly, he kept walking. By the time he had made it, the chill had sunk into his arms and legs, chilling his to the bone. He could see his breath steaming the air.

Of course, that is when it started to snow.

Cas felt like crying. He reached into his pocket to see if he had enough change to ride the bus, but he only had a quater. He dug through his bag, and found a five. Triumphantly, he held the bill in his fist and raised it in the air. He was going to hurry to the blue bus bench area, when he saw the bus had already pulled away.

That was it. Castiel dropped to his knees, snow flurrying around him and peppering his hair. He put his bag in front of his face, like a backwards pillow. He was to cold, and much, much too tired to walk the mile and a half back to his home. So he just stayed there, getting colder and colder. He tried to keep his teeth from chattering, but a violent shiver made him convulse.

"Do you need this?" Cas heard a husky voice say.

He looked up into the greenest eyes he had ever seen. It was a boy, the same age as him and vaguely familiar. He had dirty blond hair and strong, handsome features. Cas felt his stomach jump. In the boy's outstretched hand was a tan trench coat, which was weird because the boy was already wearing a leather jacket.

"Thanks." Cas muttered, looking down as he put on the coat.

It was warm, and smelled like motor oil.

"My names Dean," said the boy, "do I know you?"

Cas nodded. "We're in Mr. Ken's first period together."

Recognition flickered over the boy's features, playing along with the already there worry.

"Castiel, right?" Dean asked.

"Cas. Cas is good. Fine. I-I mean great..." Cas stuttered stupidly, his voice a blunt, broken tool.

"Cas." Dean said simply. Castiel shivered.

"Do you need a ride, I have my dad's car..."

Cas nodded gratefully, and followed Dean to the parking lot.

Once he was there he said, "Nice car. What is it, a Podoma?"

Dean was impressed. "You know cars?"

Castiel smiled modestly. "Only the good ones."

Dean opened the driver's side door for Cas, something he got the feeling he didn't do a lot. "I guess we've got a lot to talk about, then. Hop in, Cas."


	2. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas's second day together, I guess?!?!

Cas woke up ridiculously happy for a Monday morning. He smiled all through breakfast, and even the jostling of the bus couldn't break his mood. The noise of the bus ride just reminded where he was going: to school (usually bad) and to Dean (surprisingly good.)

He was wearing his borrowed coat, and staring at a book. He wasn't reading it, because his eyes wouldn't focus for long enough. Plus, he was to stupidly jittery to read it.

The bell rang, and he picked up his bag to head to his first period class, Mr. Ken's English. He got there just before the second bell, so the class was still filing in. Dean was not there.

Cas sat in the middle row, trying not to look suspicious as he casually eyed the door.

Mr. Ken walked through the door, and there, trailing behind him, was Dean.

Castiel's heart did a belly flop.

Then, miracle of all miracles, Dean at next down. Next to him.

Cas stared at him, at his closely cropped hair, he chiseled features, and his eyes widened.

Dean cocked his head towards Cas, smelling faintly of old spice and leather and motor oil. Like the jacket. Castiel smiled stupidly.

"Hey." Dean said.

"Hi. I have your..." Cas touched his trench coat, "your coat."

"Keep it. It suits you." Dean smiled genially, and turned back to face Mr. Ken.

It suits me? He thought wonderingly.

Cas's eyes widened even more, and he mouthed it to himself. 

"It suits me." 

Dean noticed. His smirk deepened, and Cas blushed. He turned away, determined that Dean would not distract him again.

Mr. Ken was ranting about The Scarlet Letter. Even taking Dean out of the equation, Cas found it difficult to focus. Still, by the time class had ended, he was sure that he had gotten most of the notes.

With only fifteen minutes left in class, Castiel zoned out. So he was completely surprised when Mr. Ken put a piece of paper on his desk.

"Here's your test. You can start anytime. Good luck, class."

Cas sat up straight, stealthily wiping away any possible drool on the side of his mouth.

He looked at his paper, picking it up off the desk to get a better view of it. He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up. He stared at it for a solid five minutes, before finally picking up his pencil. Then he stared at it some more.

"Three minutes." Mr. Ken called from behind his book.

Castiel panicked and began to fill out as many answers as he could right. Which was not many. He guessed on the rest which was, like, a third.

When he was finished, Cas looked around at is peers. They were all finished, including Dean. Dean was looking at Cas, his eyes only revealing a little bit of worry for him.

Cas gave him a reassuring smile,and handed in his paper to Mr. Ken. Then the bell rang, and he headed out with the throng of students.

From there his day rolled on a downward slope. Thoughts of his test made him anxious and unable to focus, and that made his class before lunch simply awful.

He was so relieved when he was able to leave.

He sat in his usual, secluded spot behind the school. He usually loved the loneliness of this spot, but know he wished he had someone to talk to.

"Hey, I'm Sam." Cas heard someone say.

He looked up into the face of a tall, tall boy who still looked younger than him, with mischievous features. He brushed his long hair behind his ears.

Sam moved slightly to reveal Dean standing behind him, smiling.

"Nice coat." Dean mused.

Cas's mouth twitched.

"Can we sit down?"

"Yes."

Cas moved over so Dean could sit next to him, and Sam sat on the opposite side of the table.

Once the boys had set their trays down Cas said,

"So, how did you to come to be acquainted?"

Cas saw Sam tilt his head, and he looked at Dean for reassurance. But Dean merely laughed.

"Sammy is my brother." he said.

Cas made a little O with his mouth, and they were all enveloped in an uncomfortable silent for a minute. Cas shrunk into his coat.

A pretty girl with long blond hair walked up to the cafeteria doors, and Sam stood up.

"JESS! OVER HERE!" he hollered, hands cupped around his mouth like a megaphone.

The girl smiled and began to wave furiously as she walked over. For a hot, jealous second Cas wondered if she was Dean's girlfriend.

But no. It was Sam's cheek she kissed, and Sam she sat next too and burrowed into for warmth.

Cas found himself relieved.

"Now the gang's together." Dean said, satisfied.

They all talked, and Cas realized how long it had been since he had laughed for real. Not a small laugh, nor the one he did for his parents, but a belly aching, can't stop myself laugh.

He loved it.

At some point during lunch, Dean took Cas's hand under the table and squeezed it. He looked at Cas, his eyes asking him if it was okay.

Cas squeezed back in response, smiling stupidly.

At the end of the day, he stuffed his bag and headed to wait for the bus. He didn't realize Dean was following him until he was walking beside him and matching his pace.

Ca stopped, hand on his heart.

"OH! You scared me dean!"

Dean smiled apologetically, and then stuffed his hands in his pockets. He was nervous.

"What's up Dean?" Cas asked, waiting for something to happen.

Dean cleared his throat, and shifted nervously.

"Yes. I mean, yah, something's up."

Cas saw the bus roll up, and eyed it warily before looking back at Dean.

"Well what is it?" he asked.

"Do you want to go to the movies?"


	3. Dean's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV of their date.

We pulled into the Jax Jr Cinema's parking lot, but just barely. Cas had to remind me to stop, nervous as I was, I had almost kept going. I thought I hid it well. Last week, Sam would have been the only one able to tell the full extent of my nerves.

But Cas was different. He picked up on the little things.

Part of me wished Sam and Jess were with us, to break the ice. Still, it was good that they weren't in the back making kissy faces at me.

We got out of Baby, and walked down to the ticket booth together in silence.

I shifted, checking out all the movie posters. Stupidly, I hadn't planned anything. I had no idea what was playing.

I tapped the glass ticket window, and the girl paused her I-Pod.

"What?" she asked, annoyed.

I looked at Cas, like can you believe this? 

He smiled, and my stomach fluttered.

I turned to the girl. "I dunno. What looks good?"

She shrugged. "The Gallows, I guess."

"Two tickets, then, please."

Mentally, I was slapping myself. A horror movie, on the first date?

I'm a romantic fool.


	4. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Cas's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and leaving kudos! I love you Lovelies so much right now!!!! Comments are appreciated!

Cas gulped inwardly. He was not good with horror movies. He hardly ever watched them, and blood made him want to puke.

He kept quiet, though, and smiled when Dean returned to him with the tickets.

Cas still couldn't believe he was on a date with Dean. It didn't seem real, but if it wasn't, it surely was the best dream he had ever had. 

They ordered popcorn and large Ices, happily not waiting in line. It seemed that they were the only ones in the theater.

The movie was every bit as terrifying as Cas thought it would be. Whenever the ominous music started, he turned his face into Deans neck. It always made Dean laugh.

When the movie was over, they decided to roam the small town. They crossed the street, and walked down a hill. At the bottom was a small wooden bridge, made long ago when people used carriages and not cars.

"1865." Cas mused. 

"That's awhile."

Cas looked at Dean, who was leaning against the bridges wall, at an angle so he could look out of the hole in the bridge that served as a window.

"Can you imagine how much has happened since then? How many people who've been born, went to school, fallen in love? And then died? And most of them, we'll never know their names."

Dean looked at Cas as though seeing him for the first time.

"What?" Cas asked.

Dean coched his head. "Come here."

Cas went over to him, stepping into the narrow shaft of light with Dean.

Dean took his hand and placed it on the wall. Cas could feel carvings, and he bent down to get a closer look.

There were names. Not scores of them, but a few.

Cas smiled. "Samuel and Trixie, 1986. Brendan and Laura, 2001. Ida and John... 1867." he read.

Cas stood up, and Dean wrapped his arms around him.

They stood there for a while before breaking apart quietly.

"Dean," Cas breathed, "look." 

They stared, transfixed, out the window. The sun was setting over the river, illuminating them with reddish light. The water rippled, it's surface a hazy mirror of the beauty before them.

"Cas." Dean said.

They stepped closer together, and Cas became tuned to everything at once. 

The Earth's gentle spinning, the sounds of the rickety bridge settling. The light darkening, hiding half of Dean's face in shadows. The smell of motor oil, fresh air, and Dean. The weight of his trench coat, and Deans forearms in his hands.

They kissed.


	5. Favorite Places

They broke apart, smiling. 

Cas was speechless, his eyes wide with surprise. 

Sin, sin, sin. Part of him screamed.

The other part didn't care. It overwhelmed the lesser feelings of guilt and sin, and made Cas wrap his arms around Dean again.

"I love you." he whispered, still stunned.

Dean held him, and kissed his forehead.

"I love you too."

They left the bridge, crossing it to go to the other side. Once there, they walked down to the water's edge.

Dean bent down and picked up a smooth, flat stone. It could have been any color in the dark. Den the the stone in the water, and it sank. It left a trail of bubbles to float up and pop at the surface.

Cas took off his coat: it was a warm night, especially since it had already snowed, so his white button-up would be enough. He loosened his tie, so it was askew where it lay on his chest. Dean noticed when he had turned back to Cas, and laughed at him.

Dean walked over, and carefully undid the tie. He threw it on top of Cas's trench coat.

Together, they walked into the water and picked up stones. Cas skipped two in a row, and Dean watched, fascinated. 

"How did you do that?"

Cas showed him again, and Dean tried again.

The stone skipped thrice, and Dean whooped. 

"How was that?"

Cas smirked mischievously. "It was alright."

Dean frowned, playing along. "Alright? That was amazing, and you know it."

Cas picked up a stone, one perfect for skipping, and bounced it in his hand a few times. His smile broadened. 

He skipped it, and it skimmed the water five times.

Dean gave him sarcastic applause, and Cas bobbed at the waist in a mock bow.

Dean splashed through the water towards him.

"I was wrong. You are amazing, Castiel."

He took Cas's wrists, which were wet and cold from the water. He was leaning in to kiss Cas when he stopped, confused.

"Cas..." he whispered.

Cas's heart stopped, and he tried to pull away from Dean. But Dean gripped him tight, and led him to the brightest patch of moonlight he could find. He turned Cas's ams over, and Cas looked away.

"Dean, I-"

"Shut up, Cas." Dean said. He sounded so heartbroken and distressed, that Cas's own heart cracked into millions of pieces.

"Cas, why? Why would you do this?" Dean whispered. He dropped Cas's arms, and bit his fist. 

"Dean. Dean, please. You don't understand."

Dean whirled on him, arms outstretched. "No, I don't understand, Cas. Why would you cut yourself? You could have died!" 

Tears, hot and painful, rn down Cas's face. They reminded him of the blood that dripped over his arms, every few weeks. Sometimes every other day. He wiped them away with the back of his hand.

Dean was defeated. "Tell me why."

Cas was sobbing now. The water swirling around his ankles was to strong, but he didn't try and stumble away from the current.

"Life is hell, Dean. You've got Sam, Jess, great parents...I have no one. My dad's not home often, because he does traveling sermons, and my mother usually goes along with him. I could be dead for days on end, and they wouldn't notice. Our house is basically a furnished closet, and no one gives a cow pie about me at school. No one needs me, Dean. Sometimes, I-I wished I had died when I cut myself." 

"Recently?" Dean said.

"What?"

"Have you done it recently?"

"No."

Dean was relieved, but still guarded. Cas hated that it was against him.

"Good. Cas, you have me now. And Sam, and Jess. You have us. Don't ever, ever, think about leaving us again."

"I won't." 

"Good."

They walked back to the Impala in silence. Castiel was afraid of making the situation worse by talking, and Dean was unsure of what to say to make it better.

Cas climbed in, feeling unworthy of the front seat. He watched Dean buckle himself in, and broke the silence with a whisper.

"Do I need to give you my address?"

Dean glanced at him before starting the car. "It depends. Are you parents home."

"No, they left this morning. Why?"

"Then not yet."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Dean, please tell me where we are going!"

"Not yet, Cas."

"Why not?"

Dean grimaced slightly. 

"Because I don't know."

"That's reassuring." Cas gumbled.

"What are your favorite places to go, Cas?"

Cas stared at him for so long that Dean made a keep going sign with his hand.

"Are you high, or just really confused? What does this have to do with anything?"

Dean sighed pitifully.

"Fine. Well, I guess one would be an old barn off route 10. And the last one..." Cas coughed, cutting off the end of his sentence.

"What?"

"My church." Cas said sheepishly.

"Are those it?"

"Are they enough?"

"I guess."

"Then yes, those are it."

"Okay then." Dean said.

He gripped the steering wheel tightly, and turned it.

Cas screamed.

"DEAN! You can't do a U-Ey whenever you want to!"

Dean laughed. "Calm down, baby. You're fine."

"Why did you do that?" Cas asked, still panting.

Dean pointed out the window.

"The barn."

"What?"

Dean rolled his eyes. 

"Look, Cas."

Cas looked. 

"Ah. The barn."


	6. The Barn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Barn!!!!

Cas ran his hand on the coarse, red wooden boards. It was too dark to distinguish any colors, but Castiel knew the place by heart.

Dean watched him, leaning against the barn with his arms crossed and a curious look on his face. Cas turned to him, his thoughts calm.

"I used to come here all the time," he said, laughing softly, "you could say it was my sanctuary."

"From what?"

Cas shrugged. "Everything. My bullies, my parents, my religion."

"What? Cas you had problems with your religion?"

"Yeah. Especially after I found out... you know. So I would bike here. It would take awhile to get here, but that helped me get my thoughts in order. When I would get here, I would sleep, read, or look over the Bible."

"When was the last you came here?"

Cas blew his cheeks out, thinking.

"Three years? I've just been so busy...hey. You reminded me of something."

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him into the barn.

It was black as pitch inside, for the most part at least. A little light fell on a hay-covered stairwell. It was there that Cas dragged Dean.

"C'mon." he whispered. 

Dean pictured his sky eyes glittering with excitement. 

The loft was brighter, a small, dusty window filtering it in. A small spider web hung in front of them, every strand and design illuminated my moonlight. Without thinking, Cas picked up a broom from the floor and knocked it down.

He beckoned for Dean to follow him to the far corner of the barn, so he did. The floor was covered with dusty hay, and they made miniature dust storms as they walked. They reached a wall of hay, and Cas expertly lifted himself up on top of the barrels. The space was five barrels thick, and very comfortable to sit on.

Dean struggled, but he managed to lift himself up and crawl over to Cas.

Cas laughed, and helped him stand up. Once Dean was standing, Cas walked, very wobbly, into the corner of the stack. When he returned to Dean, Cas was holding two things. One was a copy of the Bible, intact but covered with straw and dust. The second was a small, checkered blanket, which Cas clutched to his chest.

Dean warmed at the sight of Cas's eyes, which he believed were like the sky on it's brightest day.

They sat in the middle of the stack, holding each other close. Cas breathed in Dean's smell, his nose in the hollow of his shoulder. 

"It was my mother's picnic blanket. We used to go out every Sunday after church, but then one day...we just stopped going." Cas sighed. "So one day I took the blanket and no one noticed."

Dean put his arm around Cas, and Cas leaned his forehead against his chest and yawned. Dean laughed softly. 

"Dean."

"Yes, Cas?"

"I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep, baby."

"Only if you stay."

By then Cas was drunk with sudden tiredness. His words were slurred and he fell asleep right after he sighed, saying, "I love you, Dean."


	7. Night At The Barn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you that have been reading since I started this story, my deep and sincere apologies. You see, I accidentally skipped a chapter. So I added that missing piece to chapter five. It's kind of an important one, too. Oops. XO. Sorry, Lovelies!!!

Cas ran his hand on the coarse, red wooden boards. It was too dark to distinguish any colors, but Castiel knew the place by heart.

Dean watched him, leaning against the barn with his arms crossed and a curious look on his face. Cas turned to him, his thoughts calm.

"I used to come here all the time," he said, laughing softly, "you could say it was my sanctuary."

"From what?"

Cas shrugged. "Everything. My bullies, my parents, my religion."

"What? Cas you had problems with your religion?"

"Yeah. Especially after I found out... you know. So I would bike here. It would take awhile to get here, but that helped me get my thoughts in order. When I would get here, I would sleep, read, or look over the Bible."

"When was the last you came here?"

Cas blew his cheeks out, thinking.

"Three years? I've just been so busy...hey. You reminded me of something."

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him into the barn.

It was black as pitch inside, for the most part at least. A little light fell on a hay-covered stairwell. It was there that Cas dragged Dean.

"C'mon." he whispered. 

Dean pictured his sky eyes glittering with excitement. 

The loft was brighter, a small, dusty window filtering it in. A small spider web hung in front of them, every strand and design illuminated my moonlight. Without thinking, Cas picked up a broom from the floor and knocked it down.

He beckoned for Dean to follow him to the far corner of the barn, so he did. The floor was covered with dusty hay, and they made miniature dust storms as they walked. They reached a wall of hay, and Cas expertly lifted himself up on top of the barrels. The space was five barrels thick, and very comfortable to sit on.

Dean struggled, but he managed to lift himself up and crawl over to Cas.

Cas laughed, and helped him stand up. Once Dean was standing, Cas walked, very wobbly, into the corner of the stack. When he returned to Dean, Cas was holding two things. One was a copy of the Bible, intact but covered with straw and dust. The second was a small, checkered blanket, which Cas clutched to his chest.

Dean warmed at the sight of Cas's eyes, which he believed were like the sky on it's brightest day.

They sat in the middle of the stack, holding each other close. Cas breathed in Dean's smell, his nose in the hollow of his shoulder. 

"It was my mother's picnic blanket. We used to go out every Sunday after church, but then one day...we just stopped going." Cas sighed. "So one day I took the blanket and no one noticed."

Dean put his arm around Cas, and Cas leaned his forehead against his chest and yawned. Dean laughed softly. 

"Dean."

"Yes, Cas?"

"I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep, baby."

"Only if you stay."

By then Cas was drunk with sudden tiredness. His words were slurred and he fell asleep right after he sighed, saying, "I love you, Dean."


	8. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute fluff turns into a cliff hanger. XD

When Cas woke up, the barn was filled with hazy light. The checkered blanket was wrapped around him, as was Dean's arms. He wanted to fall asleep forever, so he would never have to move. Cas whispered into Dean's ear.

"Baby, get up. Come on Dean, we have to go to school."

Dean didn't stir. 

"The Impala's crashed outside. It's all Sam's fault."

Dean groaned, rubbing his eyes before letting them fall back around Cas. 

"A kiss wakes the princess..." he singsonged.

Cas laughed and obliged, leaning in. Dean pulled him tight, and Cas laughed between kisses. 

"Not that bad of a way to wake up." Dean murmured.

Cas laughed, pulling himself up. He stretched, and pushed open the Hay Door. The room was flooded instantly. 

Cas sat down so his legs dangled over the edge of the barn. He swung them, sitting on his hands. Dean came over and crouched next to him, refusing to let any part of him dangle off the barn.

"Do you ever wish you could fly?" Cas asked him.

"Like, with wings?" 

Cas nodded, staring ahead.

"Yes, like a bird." he mimed the action of flying by flapping his arms.

Dean put his arm around Cas's shoulders.

"Do you want to be an angel?"

Cas shook his head. 

"No, I just want to fly."

"I was never one for heights," Dean said sheepishly.

Cas smiled at his self-consciousness. 

"Really? Ah, well then. Guess my feet are never leaving the ground."

"Why, because flying is impossible?"

"No." Cas sighed, "I just could never leave you."

Dean shook his head, and helped Cas to stand up.

"Do we have to go to school today?" 

Dean shook his head no, but slowly stopped nodding yes.

"Why?" Cas whined.

"Because, Sam will already be will already be mad at me for having to cover with our parents, but it will be even worse when he sees I skipped. Plus, Jess will kill me, too. She hates it when I skip school."

Cas laughed, and they climbed into the Impala. 

"How did you sleep last night?" Dean asked Cas as he drove.

"Great, why?"

Dean snorted derisively. 

"What?" Cas demanded.

"I can't imagine how; you were snoring like a bear."

"No."

"Yes. I have proof! Here, I knew you wouldn't believe me..."

Dean fished into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

"What's this?" Cas asked.

"The video."

Cas made a grab at the phone, and Dean laughed.

Both of them were laughing so hard they didn't notice the truck barreling towards them.


	9. Accidents Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the truck hits their car, Cas starts to have an out of body experience.

All he felt was panic. Where was Dean? Cas yelled, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked around, and realized he wasn't in the Impala anymore. He was standing outside of it... and it was hardly the Impala anymore. More of the car's mutilated corpse.

It was a impossibly crushed, like a piece of paper in a recycling bin. Cas cried out in anguish: the parts of the car were indistinguishable: no glass, no doors, nothing but black metal. If Dean was in there...

His hands threaded through his hair, knotting it. Dean. Dean couldn't be dead. He just couldn't.

Cas walked up the hill the Impala had rolled down. It must have rolled over at least twice, and maybe it had even hit a few trees.

But no, he couldn't think like that.

Cas was alive, wasn't he? And unhurt except for a blinding headache. 

That meant Dean could be. 

Dean stumbled up the hill, and onto the highway. The truck's face was the only broken part of it. It's window was shattered, and the front was caved in. The trucks front was facing where it had pushed the Impala down the hill, but the back was blocking part of the road.

The driver was leaning against the front of his vehicle, a blanket wrapped around him. His hands were clasped in prayer, his lips mouthing the words he was using to ask for forgiveness.

Cas didn't comfort the man, though. He had to find Dean. He went to the first of the two ambulances on the road. It was empty, same a nurse writing on a clipboard. Even the stretcher was gone.

He left to go to the other ambulance, and that is where he found Dean.

He was laying on a stretcher, his face contorted with pain. 

A homely nurse had her hand on his bare chest, feeling his ribs. She told him to relax. Her words swam in Cas's ears, barley registering in his brain. Cas stared into the ambulance, his hands grasping the edges of the ambulance's entrance.

"Four broken ribs, we have to check those for splintering, and his Fibula is broken cleanly. We'll have to bring him to the hospital soon."

Dean tried to shake his head no, but the nurse held him still.

"Cas." Dean said weakly.

"We wait a few more minutes, buddy. But they have to carry him all the way up that hill, in his shape..."

She shook her head.

Cas was shocked.

"You can leave now. I'm right, here I'm fine. Dean needs to get to the hospital though..."

Cas trailed off, realizing no one was listening to him.

"Hey? Mrs? Dean? DEAN?"

No one answered, and Cas numbly left the vehicle. He headed back down the hill to te car. He stopped where he had realized he wasn't in the Impala. A small team of paramedics were lifting up a body onto a stretcher. 

The body was his own.


	10. A Week Later

It was a week later. The only reason Dean was still in the hospital was that they were making sure that his ribs didn't splinter and puncture his lung. His time in the hospital was almost up, though. He was going to start school again, soon. 

Cas watched as Dean rolled smugly down the hall. He could walk fine with his cast on, but he preferred to have Sam push him.

Every time he was given the option to go somewhere, he asked to see Cas.

John, Mary, and Jess all said no.

Cas agreed. Seeing him would be too upsetting for Dean, who was still feeling guilty over the whole thing.

But Sam was opposed to his family's shared opinion. That worried Cas, now that he had control where Dean was pushed.

Sure enough, John and Mary were eating out that night. Jess was at home. And Sam was inconspicuously pushing Dean down the hall to Cas's room.

Cas feebly, ridiculously, tried to stop them by standing in front of the door. 

They passed right through him, of course.

"Sam..." Cas warned.

Dean looked at Cas's body, a groaned.

The bruises were still on his face, and his neck cast made the whole thing look very bad.

"Maybe we should go back." Sam said guiltily.

"No. Let me see him."

So Sam rolled Dean over to Cas's body, and he took his hand.

"My fault..." he whispered, squeezing Cas's hand.

"What were you doing that night?" Sam asked curiously.

"I was going to show him his favorite places. One of them was a barn, and Cas was really tired. So we slept there."

Sam looked at the hand Dean was holding. He looked up and down the length of Cas's arm, and nodded as he began to understand.

Cas heard voices from the hall, and they were growing louder.

"Dean! We're not supposed to be in here." Sam hissed.

"No," said a women whose eyes were red from crying, "your not."


	11. Family Ties

It was Cas's mother and father, with two nurses tailing behind them.

"Who are you?" Cas's mother demanded.

"I could ask you the same question." Dean asked polite, but guarded.

"We're Castiel's parents, Amanda and Michael. Now answer our question."

Dean realized he was still holding Cas's hand, and dropped it quickly.

"I'm Dean Winchester, and this is my brother Sam. We are friends of Cas."

Michael looked disgusted.

"Are you the friend who got him into this state?" he said angrily.

"It wasn't Dean's fault! They were blindsided by the truck!"

"My son has never even talked about you!"

"We just met." Dean muttered.

"That's reassuring!" she scoffed.

Dean pointed at Cas's parents accusingly. 

"Look, I love Cas. I would never..." Dean blushed.

Cas's father paled, furious.

"You what?" he shrieked.

The nurse tried to intervene, but the priest batted her aside.

"You can't be queer for our son. He's only had one girlfriend, for goodness sake! I can't-I just can't believe this!"

Dean was furious.

"Why do you think he's never had a girlfriend? I love him, alright? There's nothing you can do!" he seethed.

Speechless, and caught totally off guard, Cas's father left the room. His other paused for a moment, conflicted. She shot Dean an apologetic look, and hurried after her husband.

The nurses stayed to check on Cas's body.

"You did good," one of them said, patting Dean on the back, "but do you have to go now."

Dean nodded numbly, and Sam rolled him out of the room.


	12. Alone

The nurses were used to Dean's constant presence in Cas's room. It was more their room now, not just his.

Dean had checked out of the hospital twelve days ago, which meant Cas had been in a coma for nineteen. It was terrifying for Dean to think that he might never wake up, so he avoided talking about that possibility. 

Dean was healing well, because every night during his stay in the hospital Cas had used his newfound healing powers on him.

Dean's parents were very sympathetic, and let him spend all of his time at the hospital. But they were adamant: the next day, Dean had to start going back to school.

That meant at least seven hours a day where Cas would be left alone in the hospital. 

Dean could barely stand the thought.

Cas's spirit sat next to Dean on an empty chair, and they were both startled to hear a quick but firm knock on the door frame.

"How's he doing?" 

"He's...good. The bruising's gone down, and they fixed his lung. He just needs to wake up."

"How are you doing, Dean? Why are you still here?"

Dean smiled guiltily.

"Well, my parents weren't rushing my return to school. So I come here early and leave late as I can."

Amanda nodded, and patted Dean's hand.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, sweetie."

Dean nodded, and looked at Cas's body.

Cas felt guilty for causing him pain.

Amanda had to leave soon after that, because she had to fix dinner for Mike. Dean left with her, leaving earlier than usual.

And Cas was alone.


	13. Try, For Me

Dean had to go to school the next day, Thursday. Today he sat next to Cas's body watching the silly sitcom that Sam had gotten them all addicted to.

Cas sat next to him, his chin resting on his hands. What would he do when Dean wasn't there? He couldn't turn the TV on by himself, that's for sure.

Sam entered, smiling sadly at his brother.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

Dean shook his head. 

"Will you get me something to eat first? I haven't all day."

Once Sam had left for the cafeteria, Dean clumsily pulled his chair nearer to Cas's bedside.

"I wouldn't ask you if it weren't important." he breathed into his ear.

Cas, who was standing next to Dean, heard it as though he were talking into his real ear, not his body's.

"Cas, please try and wake up."

Cas was shocked. He had never thought he might have the choice of returning. He thought that, one day, he might just pop back in.

Cas decided to try, for Dean. He walked around his own bedside, and took a deep, calming breath.

He thought about wanting to return to his body. He thought so hard, his face turned red. He let out a breath.

Dean sat in his chair, waiting patiently for something to happen.

Cas touched his forehead, and felt a spark. 

Well, okay then.

He laid down on his body, his heart racing from the shocks that danced across his body. 

His head hurt, and he felt like his brain was made of pop rocks.

He slowly sank into his body, the shocks getting more severe. He felt like he was sinking into jell-o. 

Then he was fully submersed. He could feel his heart pumping, and heard the blood rushing in his ears. Everything was black. A distinct ringing sound filled his ears, and it slowly got louder. 

Soon, it became deafening. 

He took a breath,

and woke up.


	14. Awake

When Sam entered the room, it was abuzz with nurses. He fought the urge to drop Dean's food and run in, and instead place it next to the door before rushing to his brother.

Dean was holding Cas's hand as nurses filled his IV with fresh medicine, checked his temperature, and waved a flashlight in front of his eyes to check his reflexes.

Sammy put his hand on Dean's shoulder, and Dean quickly said hello before turning back to Cas.

Cas looked worn out. 

Deep purple bags hung under his eyes, and a small bruise under his cheekbone remained. Still, he was smiling weakly at Dean and the nurses.

"How are you doing, Cas?" Sam asked.

"I'm good." Cas answered, his voice hoarse. 

"Thirsty, though."

Dean responded immediately, helping him hold the cup of water and keep it steady as he drained it.

The nurses finished their checkups, and began to take Cas's neck brace off.

"Whoa, is he okay without that?" Dean asked.

The nurse nodded.

"We were just keeping it on to support his neck. It seems like he'll be fine without it."

Dean nodded, and Cas leaned forward for them.

"I called Jess. She's on her way from school now."

Cas blushed.

"Aw, Dean. She didn't have to skip her classes for me. I can't even walk yet! What are we going to do?"

Dean kissed Cas's forehead.

"We don't have to do anything. She just wants to see you, baby."

Cas nodded, and Sam brought over Dean's food as the nurses left. 

"Thank's, Sammy. Do you want some, Cas?"

Cas smiled weakly.

"I'll have a french fry."

Dean gave him one. 

Jess, panting with her hair streaming behind her, appeared in the doorway.

She rushed over to hug Cas.

"I'm so glad your awake!"

"Hey, Jess." he mumbled.

She held him at arms length so she could look at him.

"Well gosh, do they feed you anything?"

"I'm fine, Jess. Really. I'm just worried you'll die of boredom."

"Nah. We can watch TV."

She went over to Sam and sat in his lap, there being only two chairs in the room.

Sam began to flip through the channels.

"Oh! Sam, stop! Bernie and Guy is on!"

Sam clicked it eagerly, and looked over to Cas.

"You like this show?"

Cas shook his head.

"It's alright. I know you guys like it, though."

Sam looked at Cas curiously, confusion filling his features.

"Well, we kind of just started watching it."

"Yeah. When we got into the hospital, I know."

Everyone in the room straightened.

"How would you possibly know that?" Dean asked.

Cas bit his lip.

"It's hard to explain..."

"Try." Jess encouraged.

"Well, since the accident 'till I woke up I had sort of a out of body experience." 

Cas described to them briefly his experience.

"I can't believe it." Dean said.

Jessica and Sam nodded their agreement.

"Dean told me to wake up, so I sort of lied down on my body and sunk into it. Then, well, I woke up."

Dean looked troubled, so Cas squeezed his hand.

"What's wrong?" Cas whispered to him.

"Did you ever try and talk to us?"

Cas nodded.

"Of course."

Dean nodded, relived.

"I heard you."


	15. Caring

*Sorry! I just love this picture!*

Cas and Dean laid down next to each other on Cas's hospital bed. 

Because of the new "development", as the nurses like to call it, Dean was given his own bed in Cas's room so he could stay the night. 

They turned on the TV to watch Bert and Guy. Cas's head rested on Dean's shoulder, and every no and then he would kiss it because it made Dean jump. 

After the dozenth time, Dean said, "I'm going to revoke your privileges!" 

Cas laughed.

"No, your not."

He began to kiss Dean's ticklish spot over and over, until they were both breathless from laughter.

When Cas woke up, bleary eyed and yawning, the next day the nurse was laying a set of clean clothes on the edge of his bed.

Cas sat up eagerly, and Dean, who had stayed next to him, almost rolled off the bed. He stayed asleep.

"Good morning, Jane. Did my mother bring those?" Cas questioned.

The nurse nodded.

"She did. How did you sleep, Castiel?"

Cas laughed, and punched Dean's sleeping form lightly.

"Well enough with all his snoring."

Jane laughed and then her face grew serious.

"Cas, you and I need to talk."

"Of course."

"What is this?" she asked, calmly flipping Cas's arm over.

Concern filled her oxen-like brown eyes.

Cas sighed.

"It's nothing, really Jane."

"You cut yourself." she said bluntly.

"Relax," he tried to assure her, "Dean already gave me this talk."

Jane nodded grudgingly.

"Good. Just remember, Cas. You do have friends here."

She left the room, and Cas sat back against his pillows.

Dean woke up, just as blearily as Cas had been.

"Hey, baby." Cas said.

Dean gave him a kiss, and Cas smiled.


	16. Family

Amanda was in the waiting room, chatting pleasantly with Dean's parents.

Cas walked steadily into the room, but once he saw his mother he rushed into her arms.

"Mom." he breathed, hugging her tightly.

It was cliche, but dozens of emotions ran through him. Gratitude, love, acceptance.

John Winchester patted Cas's back affectionately.

"You look good, kid. Steady on your feet."

Cas nodded, pleased.

"I worked hard last night to get steady, Dean helped...sort of."

Dean looked offended.

"Excuse me, sort of? I helped a ton. I was vital."

Cas laughed.

"Since when is sitting on my bed and eating pizza helping?"

They laughed, and left the waiting room together.

Cas held Dean's hand, and it felt amazing to be able to do it in public.

"Where did we decide on going?" Cas asked, their hands swinging in time with their steps.

"Pizza."

"Really? Where?"

Dean shrugged.

"Dude, does it matter? It's pe-zah."

John, Mary, and Amanda went together in the Novak's car, and the gang went together in the Impala's replacement.

Cas felt a lump in his throat looking at the thing. The Impala was a good car, and it had been replaced with a station wagon.

It was obvious looking at it pained Dean even more, because he didn't even protest when Sam got into the driver's seat.

With his cast, he couldn't drive any way.

Dean and Cas sat in the back, so the couples were all next to each other.

They group insisted Cas recount his memories from the hospital, because they fascinated them all.

In no time they were in front of a small brick building with a sign saying,

"Antario's Pizzeria-Come In, We're Open!"

Jess and Sam got out, but Dean took Cas's arm to hold him back.

"Cas-thanks."

"What for?" Cas said, smiling in a confused way.

"For waking up, and for staying with me. I love you, Cas."

They kissed, and Cas melted into Dean. He held him for what seemed like minutes, but it was only seconds. 

Cas gave Dean another quick kiss, before smiling and pulling away.

"No chick flick moments."

Smiling, they both got out of the car to meet Jess and Sam at the entrance.

They walked in with them, and were led by a pretty young waitress to their parents, who were just sitting down.

After giving them their menus and taking their drink orders, she leaned against their table boldly. She asked them how long they had known each other, fluttering her long eyelashes at Dean.

"Are y'all friends? Is it someone's birthday? We get a lot of birthdays here...is it your's, sweetie?" she winked at Dean.

"No, actually." he answered, smiling, "we're celebrating my boyfriend getting out of the hospital."

The waitress blushed furiously and told them congratulations, hastily returning to the kitchen.

The whole table laughed after she was out of earshot. 

Then she returned, and the urge to laugh diminished as they saw who she had brought back with her.

"What would you like to order?" she asked, oblivous to the newfound tension in the room.

"Just two large cheeses, please." said Mary, hurriedly shooing her away.

"Father." Cas said, standing up to greet Michael.


	17. Don't You Cry No More

Everyone's eyes were on Michael. The tension was thick in the air as Michael took in the group with disbelief.

Cas wished someone would say something, and was almost relived when his father did.

"Amanda, how could you do this?"

She set her jaw, and cocked her head.

"What did I do, Michael?"

"You left a note on the table, saying you were going to pizza with our faggot son and his boyfriend? How could you go, we decided we were just going to let this die out?"

"No." Cas's mother said, her chin quivering, "You ordered me to. I'm your wife, Michael. Not your tool." 

Cas was stunned. He thought the same thing not that long ago, hadn't he? Who knew his mother felt the same way?

Cas regained his composure, and placed his hand on his father's shoulder. He flinched away.

"Father. Can we take this outside? Please. It is a family place, after all?"

Reluctantly, Michael nodded.

He started towards the door, and everyone at the table got up to follow him. Cas held up a hand, pausing them.

"No. Please, I want to work this out with him...on my own."

The sat back down, and Cas smiled tentatively. 

Cas handed his trench coat to Dean, who folded it gently and placed it in his lap. His eyes were worried. Cas looked at him, his eyes pleading Dean to know how much he loved him.

Cas met his father in the parking lot. He was leaning against his car, his arms crossed and a grumpy, irritated look on his face.

"How do you wish to proceed?" Cas said, his eyes wary as he walked to his father.

"What?"

"We can talk calmly, or we can fight. It's up to you. I'd really rather the first option..."

"Will you repent your sin?"

Cas shook his head.

"No. Never."

His father sighed and reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a switchblade as long as the space from Cas's wrist to fingertips.

Cas struggled and cried out as his father grabbed his arms and held them tightly and high against his back.

Ignoring the pain as best as he could, Cas bucked so his father was forced to release him.

His father grabbed his wrist with one hand, and the other on top of Cas's nose and mouth so he couldn't breath.

The knife was on the ground next to Cas.

"I'm going to let you go now. You will stay still, Cas."

He let him go, stupidly, and Cas lunged for the knife.

Cas swung it wildly, scratching his father mildly on the cheek. He touched it, blood staining his fingers red.

"Your own father, Cas."

"You-you were going to hurt me." Cas said with confusion. Tears streamed down his face.

"For your own good, Cassie."

"N-no. Stop, Dad. You're not the hero here." 

Then he reared his head back and yelled.

His friends and a few strangers ran out of the building, and Jess pulled out her phone.

Cas forced his father to kneel.

"Cas, give it to me. Give me the knife." Dean said cautiously, prying it out of his fingers. 

Michael's blood adorned it.

"Good job, Cas. I'm proud of you." 

Dean hugged Cas, and Michael looked away, disgusted.

Dean wrapped Cas in his trench coat, and he clung to it as tightly as he clung to Dean.

Dean began to lead him away, not to the car but just away. Cas stopped him briefly, turning to his father.

"See you in court, ass butt." he said wearily.

Dean and Cas walked away from the crowd to where it was silent. They passed police curisers who were headed to the pizza place. Jess must have called them.

"Dean." 

"Yes, Cas."

"I did what I had to, right?"

Dean looked surprised. 

"Of course you did! He was going to do worse, Cas. You know it."

"But-I hurt him. He's confused, but a good man..."

Dean shook his head, and pulled Cas to him.

"I love you, Dean. You know that, right."

"I love you too, angel."

They broke apart, and stared at each other for a moment.

And then they kissed, and it was better than their first. It was earnest, slow, amazing. It told their whole story, the beginning, middle, and undecided end.

Cas loved Dean.

And Dean loved Cas.


End file.
